Humble Pie

I don't even know if this makes any sense, but it's where we are and I want to remember it.

Have you ever listened to the lyrics of the song, Humble Me by Norah Jones? I love that song. I just love how she sings it, like she's begging for our Lord to help her. I need that. I need more lessons in humility. I don't think it is arrogance, but I often believe I can do just about everything on my own. Growing up in a large family teaches you to be self sufficient. I couldn't wait around for my parents to help me in every little thing in life, there just wasn't enough time in the day. I was doing my own laundry by middle school and sometimes fixing my own dinner after practices. Being independent can be good in some circumstances, however you can also have a mentality that you don't need help. What a terrible feeling for others who love you...especially Christ.

Allowing others to help you gives them the opportunity to perform an act of charity. I remember many years ago a spiritual director told me to allow more people to help me. I was single at the time...what help did I need? She mentioned even in the small gestures of allowing someone to get my luggage from the overhead compartment when I traveled. It sounded a bit silly at the time, but her words always stuck with me.

I am learning, now more than ever, that I can't do it all by myself. I'm not talking about having nannies or cleaning ladies or more babysitting hours. I am talking about humility of the heart and a true understanding that I can't do this, first and foremost, without relying on Christ.

Part of the song says...
When out on limb, gone too far

Let me tell you about that limb.

I toggle back and forth about what activities we should do or not do. I err on the side of doing less rather than doing more. I want the children to know our home...to love it, to be creative with what we have, and to know that activities are special and should be appreciated and not expected. Some days I want to hunker down and let the world twirl on as we are still. Other days I am dying to get out just to get a tomato at the store. Now that Lucy's dance is over, we aren't involved with activities other than Lucy's preschool 2 days a week. That feels like a lot for me, but not much for Emilia. We could go to the YMCA gym, but sometimes we are wanting the court along with middle aged men wanting to shoot hoops. I talked to Michael about getting the girls in gymnastics. They could not be in the same class because of the age difference, so this would mean two different trips on two different days. The only thing I hesitated about was if Emilia would like it, but Michael kept saying, "Are you sure you can handle all three?" Of course, in my self confident manner, I assured him it was no-big-deal. This meant for 45 minutes Christian would need to sleep (ha!) and Lucy would play in the designated kids area while I had a Mommy and Me gym session with Emilia.

God took this 45 minutes to humble me. I do not like or crave attention, especially the kind of attention that comes when you go some where with 3 kids under the age of 4. I like to fly under the radar- after all, I have it all under control. Oh my word, not so much. During Emilia's first gymnastics class Christian kept crying so I'd run over and pop in his paci. This was on and off the entire time. I had to keep dragging Emilia over to the side of the gym to tend to him. Lucy was fine playing- until the end- when I noticed she was sitting next to a nice lady who was READING-HER-A-BOOK! I mean, seriously, my child just asked another mom to read her a book. Haha, does this scream, "Oh child, does your mommy pay any attention to you?!" I walked over to Lulu and said, "Honey, let this mommy play with her son and we will read during our designated reading time at home." Right. Designated reading time. Yea, I said it. Hilarious, right? We don't have that, but I didn't know what else to say. Humble pill please. As I was talking to Lucy, Emilia had walked away. I looked up and a dad was walking fast toward me and said "Um, your daughter just fell off the bleachers." I looked over and Emilia was pushing a lady away saying, "I got it! I got it!" The only thing she "got" was a big ole shiner on her cheek bone. (wonder where she got her independence)?

At this moment, I just wanted to gather up the kids and go to my car and cry. I didn't though. I took a deep breath- thanked the lady for reading to Lucy, held Emilia until she quit crying and put Christian's pacifier back in. We gathered our things and when I got in the car I had a long convo with God. "Where do you want me to be, Lord? I am here with three little ones and I need your guidance. I need you to permeate my soul. I need you to lead me. Is gymnastics too much? Do you want me to keep them home? Is it too much for our schedule? I need you." It started to become more clear that God was just asking me to trust Him- not about being involved with gymnastics, but that life with my littles is going to be fine. After all, he brought me to this place in life. We've trusted him all along and we must continue to do so. It's ok that I am not always in control or that the baby whines or we have mismatched socks and shoes on the wrong feet or we nap late (or not at all) or don't get to bed on time. I have to remember not to discipline actions that aren't character building (spilling milk and crumbs are not worthy of my time), but of course boundaries are still an important part of our day. I'm just letting go of getting embarrassed when Emilia screams Caca at Mass! Life isn't about raising perfect children. It's about loving the life that God has entrusted to us...craziness and all. I have to remember HE chose US to be their parents. I have to learn to let go of control.

(As humbling as this is, I might add that this would've all gone a little smoother had I listened to my dear husband in the very beginning.)

I decided that we could do gymnastics, but putting Christian in the child watch for an hour was fine. And for heaven's sake, I begged Lulu to not ask anyone to read to her ;)

So, I am happy to report that God met us at gymnastics today. It was a good day.

Let the wild rumpus start.

I'll eat you up, I love you so.